Blah

Evidently the times I have the least to say are the times I should be writing. There's just too much going on and I want to run away (again). The problem for me with getting comfortable in life is that I assume change, when it comes, will be easier. I won't freak, panic, throw up, sweat like a day laborer in August, when a new challenge arrives because I'll realize how many things I do that were once unthinkable.

It doesn't work that way. The once unthinkable, by becoming ordinary and nonthreatening, loses it's power to calm fear. The panic, sleeplessness, and anxiety all return and I start to retreat.

So how to fix this?

• Realize just how far I have come.
• Remember what 'normal' used to be like.
• Realize what is terrifying at the moment will one day seem ordinary.
• Try to eat right, sleep right, think right, exercise, meditate, and keep perspective.
• Write, even though it seems to take more energy than I have, even if nothing seems worth the effort, even if nothing seems important enough, because not writing is a sign of retreat.