Never Enough?

Tonight I realized how many years I've spent with two and I wondered if I could ever adjust to one man. Is it possible for one man to give enough attention, care, notice, stimulation, romance, sex, love, conversation, and friendship for a lifetime?

It's like the old joke "80% of married men cheat in America. The other 20% do it in Europe." Now that marriages don't last as long and divorce is a socially acceptable option, maybe those numbers have changed drastically but in the old days, when marriage was a lifelong sentence for most people, it was a rare man who made it through sixty years of matrimony without slipping at some point.

I could tell myself that it's possible with the right person. I could actually try to believe that, but on a core level I'd feel like I was lying to myself.

Can people stay faithful? Yes.

Can people stay faithful in both deed and thought? Staying true because it's what they want, not because they're afraid of the consequences of being caught? That's a hell of a lot harder to pull off.

I don't want a man who is going to keep it in his pants because he's afraid of what I or God is going to do to him if he doesn't.

I want it all. I want someone who is with me because they want to be and when they don't want to any longer, they walk away and I want someone who will stick with me to the end, come hell or high water, in love or out, committed to a family and each other and always having one another's backs. The two cannot happen in one relationship. They are mutually exclusive concepts.