Pity, Party of One

There's too much going on.

One of the reasons I chose what I did was because I know what my strengths and especially my weaknesses are. I'm not good at talking in front of people. I'm not a leader. I am a great support person. Assign me tasks, put me in a back room somewhere, don't push me too hard, and I will do everything I can think of to make your life easier and your day run smoother. The world is full of people who want to rule. Not me. I want to be a loyal and dedicated follower.

So why am I buried in assignments where I have to negotiate contracts and conduct mock trials? If I wanted, or thought I was remotely capable of any of that I would be in Law School. I would not be working as hard as I do to be a worker bee! And to make it a completely miserable situation, to ease off the pressure and not have the entire responsibility for talking on me I would have to take someone else down with me. Even if they did everything perfectly, they would be graded down for my fuck ups and that I can't do.

So after I fall on the sword and 'volunteer' to do it alone so I can't hurt anyone else's grade, I realize I'm still screwed because my behavior effects the other side in the trial and the students who are portraying the 'witnesses'.

Can't drop the class. Have to have it to graduate so I'd just have to do it all over again.

I want this to be all over.