The Erotica Equation

I also write erotic stories that are posted online and Merv enjoys reading them. Yesterday he mentions that he hasn't seen any for awhile. I said most of what I'm writing these days wouldn't be appropriate to the site.

Oh? What are you writing? And where is it?

I am so not telling.

There are some things that shouldn't be shared (at least not with anyone that knows you!). If I would ever share it with anyone, it would be him. If we were 'together', I'd have probably told him already.

And why no erotica? Most of it has always been about him and I'm not hopeful enough to write it now. I don't think it will ever work out. I don't think we'll ever be together. I try to write and there's an awareness that I'm writing about things that will never be and how much I miss him and will always miss him and how I have to move on and I dread it and don't want to and I want what I want and I'm not going to get it and that makes me sad.

Sad+dread+lonliness=erotica? Not for me.