No Pain, No Gain

Brick and I have been trying.....again.

It's not been bad. It's been steady, dependable, reliable (things it often has not been in the past)

It has not rocked my world.

How do you say to a vanilla spouse "Make it hurt"? How do you explain to someone with no appreciation for pain how good it feels, what the physical sensation is like, that you're starting to realize how necessary it is for you to fully enjoy sexual contact?

It's like explaining how an orgasm feels to someone who's frigid or what 'blue' is to someone who's never seen. Or someone explaining why mushrooms are good to me, a person who views them as fungus.

I don't know what to do about it. I don't know why so many people like me seem to marry vanilla and find themselves in this situation.

But do you walk away from someone you have a life with because you know you'll never have completely satisfying sex? Do you cut that part of yourself off and try to never think or feel that way again? Or do you, as I keep trying to do, compartmentalize? Have the person, vanilla, you build a life and family with, and the other person you express your sexuality with?

Somehow, that's been workable so far. But that's thanks to Brick and his ability to, if not fulfill my needs, let me go and try to fulfill them on my own.