Gramps' marriage to 'other' woman troubles his family

By Abigail Van Buren

Dear Abby: I have what I consider to be a moral dilemma. My husband's grandfather, "John," is going to marry his "girlfriend" of more than 30 years this fall. I was very close to John's wife, "Doris," who died in November of last year.

Although John has done much for our families and we would like to support him in these, his later years, I have no respect for a woman who waits in the wings for decades until her "boyfriend's" wife dies, and then expects to marry him.

My husband and I, and other family members, would rather not attend the wedding, or have "Vivian" in our homes -- let alone our lives. Your advice and opinion are greatly appreciated. What should I as an in-law do about this situation? -- Confused in L.A.

Dear Confused: For starters, try becoming less judgmental. Although I don't approve of the extramarital affair, John did not dump his wife for the other woman. Doris is dead, and as much as you loved her, nothing will bring her back. My advice is to swallow hard, remember all that John has done for your families, and give Vivian a fair chance. She may not be as bad as you think she is. Besides, if you punish your husband's grandfather for marrying his longtime "friend," you may wind up shooting yourselves in the collective foot.