Push Me Pull Me

So after an intense...conversation...with Merv it's all I can do to not say 'I love you, you know?'

Fear stopped me.

I make plans and vows and promises to myself and one intense hour with him and they're all gone, forgotten, and I'm trying desperately not to say the last thing I should.

And nothing has changed. At best I'm a fish and he's a bird. At worst I'm his affectionate, unpaid whore.

Why am I strong with everyone but him and Brick?