Excuses, Excuses

Excuses I have actually heard this week

Which reminds me of the old saying: Excuses are like assholes.

Everyone has one and they all stink.

"It was okay for me to track down and spam someone's website because they had a website. Someone would have done it if I hadn't. Just because I was the only one who did that's irrelevant. It would have happened eventually so my doing it is acceptable."

"I didn't pay my taxes because I was so busy with my duties as a Husband and Father that I didn't have time. That I was taking frequent trips out of town with my girlfriends had nothing to do with it. When you think about it, it's really the fault of my wife and children if I go to jail. If I hadn't spent that time giving attention to them, I'd have kept better tax records and none of this would have happened."

"It's not that I'm unattentive. I'm just incredibly busy. And it doesn't occur to me to use modern methods of communication like the Internet, cell phones, text messaging, and voice mail. That's not a sign that I don't care. Or that I'm an untrustworthy S.O.B."

"I had to divorce my wife. The pre-nup had an escalation clause next month. If I was ever going to do it, this was the time."

"That woman stole my husband. Sure there were some problems in the marriage. All marriages have problems. Just because we hadn't lived in the same house for months and we had both hired divorce attorneys doesn't give her the right to destroy my happy home."

"It was okay for me to arrange to have a friend inform my boyfriend's wife of our affair. It wasn't a betrayal. I needed to find a way to get out of the relationship."

"It wasn't I, Sue, that did that terrible thing. It was...Lou...yea that's right. It was my good friend Lou. Lou did it. Oh you never heard of Lou before? You looked and there is no Lou? .... That's her cat's name. I won't tell you her real name because you can't be trusted with that kind of information. But it was the woman who has a cat named Lou. You can trust my word on that."

"I can't be blamed for doing a lousy job and getting four people killed. It's my employer's fault because they allowed me to do a lousy job."