Kibbles and Bits

So Bo Bice is no longer a 'free man'. Ok, so I guess he never was really but now he's officially off the market. Sigh! Wonder if we'll see wedding pics? Wonder if his hair was nice and fluffy?

And Ben Affleck actually married a Fiancee. Wonder which 'couples' of the moment will make it to the altar (Justice of the Peace)? TomKat? Paris2? Nicole Richie and whoever she's engaged to? Before Nicole Richie gets married someone needs to strap her down and feed her. They can strap her friend Lindsay down right next to her.

It's hot. It's darn hot. And it's muggy too. And I don't want to spend $2,500 on a new air conditioner. I'd rather buy some fans and move.

Finally saw Dancing with the Stars last night. Now I remember why I had a crush on John OHurley.

It's nice to have movie channels again. I think the Netflix instead of premium channels experiment was a failure for us. I'd rather have a bunch of not so great movies available 24/7 than 3-5 great movies available each week. Now if I can just figure out how to program the Dish remote and work the DVR.

Zelda is single again and accepting applications for the one whose heart she'll stomp on next.

Zach worked security at a Judas Priest/Queensryche concert the other night. Since he doesn't like that kind of music he wasn't nearly as thrilled as a lot of guys would have been. I'm not exactly sure what kind of music it is.

I'm desperately trying to get Brick out of town before he shoots some unfortunate coworker He needs a day off but he just keeps scheduling extra jobs when he's not having court, meetings, and schools scheduled for him.

These Boots Were Made for Walking

My daughter is more like me than I thought. She can cut a guy loose fast and hard. Which has always been a specialty of mine with everyone but Brick and Merv.

I try to figure out what makes them different.

Brick is family. He's the father of my kids. It would just be easier in so many ways if things worked out with him.

Merv....I've had a sexual disconnect with enough people to realize how rare it is to find your sexual match. That's not someone that's easy to let go of. Plus, we think a lot alike. It would be like walking away from part of myself.

But it's getting easier.

"No one is you. On that we agree. But others will do, George."

Pictures of you

Does HP realize that every song they've used in the ad campaign for their printer is depressing as hell?

You Can Feel Bad...

if it makes you feel better.

So I've been looking for Merv's replacement. For the last few months I've found myself testing his behavior and he's failed every one so......

There are three possibilities so far.

One seems eager and nice, has some similar interests, but lives too close and seems too dangerous. I want to avoid wives that watch a guy's every move. Wives that would be almost grateful to have someone else take care of that sort of thing are more my speed. And I'm terrified of hurting or embarassing Brick.

One lives the perfect distance away, seems smart, funny, and interesting, but he's way too attractive to want to be with me. He runs, is in great shape, has a great face and I'm not athletic, smoke, and I'm plain at best.

The third is in town a lot but lives too far away so it's hard to take him very seriously.

What I really want is Brick. I wish he'd say enough already, stay home, let's actually try a 'real' marriage where we have sex with each other. But that's not going to happen and I don't think I want to be alone yet. I'm still too young to completely bury my sexuality under aprons and Grandma's cookie baking.

Marriage as Business

Society would be better off if we viewed marriage as a business instead of believing in things like 'soul mates', happily ever after, and monogamy.

So many women have gone into the workforce over the last decades. Without getting into the economics of increased consumption and increased work pool, one reason many have gone is for security, so that they wouldn't be reliant on a man. Instead, they depended on companies to keep the promises they made of continuing employment, benefits, and retirement packages. Those promises haven't been kept. And women, many in their 40s and 50s, are thrown back into the workforce with obsolete training and raided pension funds.

Sort of like a woman whose husband leaves her for a younger woman after 3 kids and 20+ years of marriage, these women are being left by companies for the greener pastures of India, China, and Central America.

So I took the more traditional path. I've had one 'employer'. Yes, I faced the job insecurity that I could be replaced at any time but so does everyone else (especially in a Right to Work State). I'm like a Personal Assistant. My "Boss' is a pain in the neck, I frequently want to quit, he's demanding, negative, I have spent hours tracking down obscure items that he's just had to have, sort of like a spoiled movie star.

The upside? The pay's good, the benefits are nice, I actually like my Boss (when he's not in a mood), I have a ton of free time, a flexible schedule as long as I'm available during his peak hours. This is a really good job. And at the end of my work day (ok, it never ends but that doesn't negate the point) I don't have to go home and please a husband and family, and do my own chores and errands.

It's not a bad life.

Buying the Hype

I usually don't care about celebrity 'romance'. Oh, I'm as casually interested in the gossip of it as the next person but it doesn't really matter to me if Tom's really gay and in a business arrangement with Katie and Katie's sold her soul to achieve fame. That sort of thing is interesting for observation of the human experience and the quirky things that people do but that's about it.

I care about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. I really want to believe that they're crazy about each other, will work things out, will be happy forever. What's up with that?

I'm not a huge fan. Ok, so I always like looking at her and I occasionally like looking at him but I haven't even seen all their movies. I just haven't been that interested. But if they want to be the Newman/Woodward of their generation and spend the rest of their lives making babies and movies, I'm so there.

Playing Those Mind Games

A friend of mine gave some advice the other day: don't let a man know how much you want him. Make him think you're seeing other people. Don't let him think you'll wait for him, you love him, you don't want anyone else.

I can see where that would be effective but...

I'm too old for this crap.

And I don't think I want someone if the only way I could get him is to manipulate and trick him. For one thing, is it real if you get it under false pretenses? For another, how do you respect someone if you can jerk his chain that easily? If I had to pick I'd rather respect someone than love them. Love can survive just about everything but contempt.

Amarillo by Morning

Merv's excuse for not getting together? It was a holiday weekend and it was such a shame we didn't know we were both going to be in Amarillo at about the same time because we could have worked something out.

Well, maybe that would have been possible if you checked your freakin email!

So, instead of arranging a time over three days with some flexibility and a whole town to hide in, we could have managed to get away in the middle of a 600 mile road trip. Yea right.

Why have I not changed my name, my address, my phone number, disappeared? Because I would miss his voice, his calm counsel, his laugh, the way his mind works (when I'm not the person he's BSing). But he's not a person to count on, depend on, hope for, expect any kind of future with.

Meeting Someone New

Wanted: A not unattractive man, 43 to whatever, looks not nearly as important as intelligence and humor, who can understand complicated situations, lives not too far away, has few sexual boundaries and a strong appetite.

So how does a woman my age find one of those? Do I start walking up to every man I find promising, stick out my hand, and say 'Hi, I'm Maggie. Would you like a sexual liason that might lead to a long-term relationship? BTW, I give really good head.'

That would get an interesting reaction.

Then I talk to an older woman friend who is asking "How do I find a man in his mid 70s or older? I'm lonely! I want someone to care about that cares about me." Obviously, this ain't going to be getting any easier.

Sex for Love?

There's been a theory around for awhile that men trade love for sex and women trade sex for love. Has that changed? With modern permisiveness, even though there's been that pesky conservative backsliding, are there more women who just want to get laid? No emotional comittment. No love. No 'soul mates'. Just two, or more, bodies getting a really good workout.

Sex as sport.

But, as much fun as playing can be, I have to admit, I want someone to go home with at the end of the night who gets me. Someone who understands me, and knows me, and loves me anyway.

How old fashioned.

Ow!

DEAR ABBY: I have read so often about the "other woman." Your advice is always, "If he cheats on his wife, he'll cheat on you." I wish I had listened, but I didn't -- and now I face a lonely future.For more than 30 years, I was the other woman. I was always faithful to "Hank." I changed my life around to make him happy. I knew he'd never divorce his wife, but I needed Hank in my life. He also cheated on me for 10 years, but then became faithful until three months ago.

Hank's wife died a year ago, and we continued seeing each other. A couple of weeks ago, he announced that he wanted us to be "friends." Hank said I was his special friend, but he could no longer spend every night with me because his children and grandchildren "wouldn't understand."

Last week, I learned that for the past three months, Hank has been seeing another woman. He told her that he sees an old friend "occasionally." Abby, she has been to his house and met his entire family! Hank said if I don't like it, he'll stop seeing me.I have spent most of my adult life with this man. Now I mean nothing to him. He didn't respect me enough to be honest from the start, and now I'm left with nothing. -- CAN'T STOP CRYING IN TEXAS

Knock or Something!

She bounces in for five minutes, unexpected, at the worst possible moment, when she's supposed to be at the gym. And in return for this embarassing surprise she's not even going to be home long enough to clean her room, do her chores, spend any time, nothing. I seriously need a day with no one around to do nothing but get laid all day long. Three weeks with only brief (and now interrupted!) bits of privacy is too much!

Scarlett?

So I've been wondering lately if, instead of Maggie the Cat, I may be like one of my least favorite literary characters, Scarlett O'Hara. Have I spent years pining over Ashley Wilkes when what I really wanted was Rhett? Even if that's so, Rhett was no great prize. He drank too much, couldn't express his feelings openly and honestly, slept with other women, and was a general pain in the ass. So maybe Ashley is weak and I just want him cause I can't have him but good lord.....