The Mighty Red Gumbo

Yesterday went on forever. Brick had a doctor's appointment in another town that required a driver and Zelda flew back in from Part I of her holiday so, since we were all in the area, we took off in search of gumbo.

When Hurricaine Katrina happened a lot of New Orleans residents came to Georgia. In a little town in west Georgia landed a family that included three Chefs who were hired almost immediately by a small local joint and they started cooking cajun and creole food along with the usual BBQ. Word spread and people started traveling to Carrolton to check it out. Last night we went.

We'd never been to Carrolton before so it was like wandering into the wilderness. I'd called ahead and gotten directions and we finally got there, went in and sat down and were handed BBQ menus. Brick and Zelda looked as if someone cancelled Christmas. I went to the counter to ask if this was the right place and was told the creole dishes were the 'specials' and they hadn't had a chance to put the board out yet.

Billy Bobs (owned by Billy and Bob) is in an old fast food place (maybe a Captain D's building?). It's nothing fancy but it was packed, evenly divided between locals and 'fureigners' like us and BBQ eaters and cajun fans.

Brick got the gumbo, Zelda got the ettuiffee (sp?), and I got BBQ. I don't really like cajun food but I'm always up for a road trip. They loved it. The BBQ wasn't worth driving a couple hundred miles for but it was okay. And, most importantly, we got to spend a few hours catching up with one another.

Skip desert cause it's thawed Mrs. Smith's pies and take cash cause they don't know from swipe cards.

Hi Lonesome

Merv and Beth are off for the latest round of surgery and it will be at least two weeks before they're back. And there's nothing I can do.

It seems like my life consists of waiting in case I'm needed.

When Horrible Things...

happen to wonderful people.

One of the nicest people I know has become a statistic. She had family traveling to get home for the holiday and they never made it.

What do you say to someone who loses a chunk of their family all at once? God never gives us more than we can handle? The Lord wanted them with him? What does not kill us makes us stronger?

There are no right words to say and a whole lot of wrong ones.

Because of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did

You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh

Every day of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die

I heard you cry

Every night in your sleep

I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry

In the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you I am afraid

Betty Broderick

I will never understand how the youngest child of Dan and Betty Broderick can go on national television and blame his father and stepmother for their deaths. Yes I can. He sounds amazingly like his mother.

A man and woman were slaughtered in their bed and it was their fault because they had not given custody to an out-of-control narcisscist. The one who was screaming obscenities at the children and driving an SUV into the house they were in.

He can't accept that his mother is a raging bitch who didn't give a damn about any of her children. It's easier to think she was driven mad by the evil, absent, attorney father who kept her from her beloved children. The ones she used as ammunition when she dropped them off at Dad's to try to force him to come home/break up his new relationship by being inconvenienced by having custody.

Having to wear a dunce cap is not the equivalent of being murdered, kiddo. And it's worth 80 grand a year to keep her from finding another victim.

The Chitlin Circuit

People don't believe me when I tell them about one of the local Thanksgiving traditions...chitlins.

A large part of the population where I live eat chitlins for their Thanksgiving feast. They are very particular about what kind of chitlins they want (Smithfield in the bucket, nothing else will really do). They fill up their shopping carts with 4 or 5 buckets and go off to prepare them...somehow.

Best I can figure, this all grew out of the first cold snap. In the old days, a hog would be butchered after the first freeze. It was thought that this would kill any pesky parasites the hog might be harboring and they didn't have to worry about the meat going bad while it was strung up from a tree limb being stripped out.

A farmer who could afford a hog would get some of the poorer people in the neighborhood to help with the butchering and would pay them with part of the hog, mainly the parts they didn't want like the chitlins. Sadly, for the poor people this was a real treat and since the first cold snap here usually happens around Thanksgiving, the Thanksgiving Chitlin Tradition was born.

I guess it's all about what you're used to.

One Marine's Words

One Marine's words
Nov 25, 2005
by Mona Charen

I don't know if the war in Iraq is ultimately unwinnable, but what I do know makes me skeptical of those who say so.

I do know that since Vietnam, liberals have viewed every exercise of American military power (with the exception of those undertaken by Bill Clinton) as preludes to disaster. The very first question Ronald Reagan was asked at his first presidential press conference concerned El Salvador. The question: Did he think it was going to turn into another Vietnam? Democrats invoked Vietnam with every other sentence during the long and nasty controversy about aiding the resistance in Nicaragua. More recently, just days into the Afghanistan war, The New York Times ran a front-page lament calling that conflict a new "quagmire."

Liberals seem always to believe that America will lose its wars, and when it doesn't, that it should.

It is obviously deeply painful to contemplate the more than 2,000 American dead, and many others gravely injured in Iraq. And charities like Fisher House (www.fisherhouse.org) welcome concrete demonstrations of Americans' concern for military families. But one does not sense that members of the military share the belief so widespread in the press and Congress that the Iraq war is going very badly and that the original decision to fight was a mistake.

One Marine, Sgt. Todd Bowers, who did two tours in Iraq, described the attitude of many press types. "They didn't want to talk to us." Why? I asked. "Because we were gung-ho for the mission." Bowers, who was saved from grievous injury when a bullet lodged in the sight of his rifle (a sight his father had purchased for him), is chary about the press.

In his first tour, he noticed that members of the press were reluctant to photograph Iraqis laughing, giving the thumbs up sign, or cheering. Yet Bowers saw plenty that would have made fine snapshots. In Baghdad, Al Kut and Al-Nasiriyah, Bowers reported no signs of anti-American feeling at all among Iraqis.

Fallujah, of course, was different, as the city was a hotbed of terrorism, and the battle of Fallujah was one of the fiercest engagements of the war. During the battle, Bowers found himself sharing a ride with an embedded reporter for the AP. He was asked what he thought of the destruction. Bowers responded that it was "Incredible, overwhelming. But it definitely had to be done." He also stressed that because the enemy had fought so dirty, tough calls had to be made.

Later, he saw himself quoted in newspapers around the country to the effect that the destruction was "overwhelming" as if he could not cope. He had also made some anodyne remarks about rebuilding the damaged areas of the city, and responded "Where to begin?" when asked about the plans. He was speaking of the water treatment plants, medical facilities, and schools American forces were about to help build, but his comments were offered as evidence of the futility of the situation -- the very opposite of this eager Marine's intent.

There was plenty of progress to report, if the press had been interested. When the battle of Fallujah was over, the Marines set up a humanitarian relief station in an abandoned amusement park. Together with Iraqis locally hired and trained for the purpose and with an assist from the Iraqi ministry of the interior, they distributed rice, flour, medical supplies, baby formula, and other necessities to thousands of Iraqis. For six weeks, Bowers reports, the distribution went beautifully, "like a well-oiled machine." Not worth a story, apparently. Only when something went wrong did the press see something worth reporting. A small group of Iraqis were turned away from the food distribution point, though they had been waiting in line for hours. They were given vouchers and told they could come to the front of the line the next morning when supplies would be replenished. These few unhappy souls were then besieged by press types eager to tell their story.

At the same site, the Marines had repaired an old Ferris wheel. The motor was dead, but when two Marines pushed and pulled by hand they could get the thing turning to give rides to the children of the Iraqi employees. They did so for hours on end. A photographer from a large American media company watched impassively. "Why don't you take a picture of this?" demanded one Marine. The photographer snorted, "That's not my job."

Mona Charen is a syndicated columnist and political analyst living in the Washington, D.C., area.

A friend reacted to the Mona Charen Column "One Marine's Words" but saying that troops who go into the a war situation with sights purchased by their parents and vehicles with donated armor have no business being sent into battle.

The 48th went in with police departments' old body armor stripped out and lining their vehicles so it's still going on and I don't think anyone's happy about it. Part of it is that Humvees are being used in ways they were never intended/designed. Part of it is that's the way it's always been. We used to have to buy a lot of Brick's equipment and he was mainly a Base Marine. It was a lot harder on field Marines and their families usually helped out if they were able.

A huge part of it is the RIF Bush 41 started where readiness was shifted to Guard and Reserve units instead of active duty. A lot of their equipment is stuff that has been surveyed out. They're equipped (and marketed) as go play in the woods a weekend a month and 2 weeks in the summer, get away from the women with the guys and howl, earn some extra cash and college money.

Anyone else want to throw something through the TV when the commercial comes on where the boy tells his Dad about staying at home till they need him? "They need you right now you dumb fuck!' has been hollered at my TV a lot.

Add that the DOT is using this as a way to try out new methods and equipment and you have a Perfect Storm.

BUT, none of this is anything new to the active duty people. It has probably been a harsh wakeup call for a lot of the Reservists and that's a shame, but the people who serve full time know all this and accept it as part of the job they still want to do.

57 Screens and Nothing On

I have a long list of movies I want to see. Some I want to see a lot, others just look like they might not be a horrible way to spend a couple of hours. Unfortunately, the ones I really want to see the most aren't playing anywhere near here.

Capote and Good Night, and Good Luck are at the top of my want to see list and I haven't been able to find either. Instead I find myself watching fair to middling things like Derailed and Yours, Mine, and Ours or disappointments like Jarhead and I Walk the Line.

There's a new theater opening next week and I hope that improves my selection but it will probably just have Harry Potter on 6 screens.

I guess I'm just waiting to have my socks knocked off. Derailed seemed to be striving to to have a bunch of shocking twists but they were almost all predictable. Yours, Mine, and Ours was a nice updating of one of my all-time favorites and Dennis Quaid is almost always nice but did they need to have so much goopy stuff? Oh yea, it was a Nickolodeon movie. Jarhead was pretty good but it's a depressing story and I Walk the Line just went on too long about the boring stuff. If you're going to have a movie about two people in love it might help if years don't go by without them seeing one another.

It's Oscar season and there are movies that are promised to be great out there, somewhere, I just wish they were booked in a theater near me.

A Very Long Seperation

Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson announced their seperation today. The world was shocked.

When did anyone start thinking that these two would manage to stay together? During the first year of their show when she would say something stupid and he would give her a look you could see the countdown clock to the end of their relationship start up in the corner of the TV screen.

They were young and the only reason they got married was so they could have sex. I would love to get her opinion of saving herself for marriage now. Most young people these days would have dated for awhile, screwed each other's brains out, and drifted apart when the novelty wore off and they had opportunities at different schools, jobs, cities. They may have even managed to be friends after the inevitable breakup. Instead, these kids got to drag this out in public a couple of years past it's expiration date and I doubt any kind of friendship will survive.

A Very Long Engagement

I recently came across a bit of the Camillagate transcript courtesy of Vanity Fair. Everyone remembers the tampon part and this little bit just got lost

Camilla: I do love you and I'm so proud of you.
Charles: Oh, I'm so proud of you.
Camilla: Don't be silly. I've never achieved anything.
Charles: Your greatest achievement is to love me.
Camilla: Oh darling, easier than falling off a chair.

Everyone needs to be adored by someone. I think people fear vulnerability so much that they don't admit what a profound need that is.

The Little Things

Most people talk about the big things when they're choosing a life partner. It's the little things that trip you up every time. So I saw a magazine quiz that asked some of the questions about what ends up being really important that most people don't think about...

You Me

A. I don't mind waiting to get into a good concert, movie, or restaurant.
B. If I see a line, I turn right around and leave.

A man who's bald should:
A. Do something about it
B. Just live with it.

A. Dishes should be washed right after dinner.
B. If you leave the dishes until the next morning it's no big deal.

A. Eating in bed is okay.
B. I never eat in bed.

A. I always know exactly where my keys are.
B. My keys are around here somewhere.

A. I prefer a living room with carpet.
B. I prefer a living room with hardwood floors.

A. I like going to parties, but not throwing them.
B. I like throwing parties, but not going to them.
C. I like both going and throwing.
D. Parties aren't my thing.

A. I make sure doors and drawers are closed all the way.
B. I'm the type who leaves doors and drawers open.

It's the little things that make you crazy.

A Tale of Two Turkeys

Odd how holidays can turn out.

I don't really celebrate holidays. Career choices have made it impractical to get too hung up on dates. It's Thanksgiving Day? In our family someone is likely to be working or on the other side of the planet. Requiring someone to show up at the ancestral dinner table for a holiday, like expecting someone home for a family supper, as a sign of love and affection is just begging for heartache cause it ain't happening.

Merv is the opposite. Everyone goes to Merv's for the holidays. He loves having multiple generations (four, at last count) gathered around his table for a traditional feast. He also shows up on time for supper. Everyone brings friends as extra guests. There's usually a Children's Table. There are decorations and special recipes.

Conventional wisdom would dictate that I'm going to be miserable this weekend and he will be basking in the glow of familial love. Conventional wisdom would be wrong.

I'm having a ball. I cook and eat what I want, when I want. We may go out. We may stay home. Zelda is dropping by for the night before she flies out on vacation. When she gets back next week we'll go out for BBQ as a family. We're all enjoying ourselves, doing things we want to do, and have something on the schedule for each day that we're looking forward to.

So far Beth has fought with Merv for the last six days, their youngest son for the last four, and her Mother-in-Law for the last two. Her Daughter-in-Law in due in tomorrow to be next at bat. Suggest that maybe a four generation feast is a little too much pressure with everything else that's going on?

You can't cancel Thanksgiving! It's a tradition!! We always do it this way!!!

Isn't it a good idea to stop traditions when they're making everyone miserable?

And that's why we're having grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken chili at our house for Thanksgiving.

Settling Accounts

Why does Brick insist I be the one in charge of finances when I totally suck at it? I could put Bill Gates in the poorhouse in six months.

Having a people pleaser in charge of the family money is a monumental mistake but it is fun for everyone but the one who has to worry about keeping the lights on. Ask a people pleaser 'Can we go here, buy this, do this special thing?' and the answer is always 'Yes.' They figure (ok, I figure) they'll find the money later, they'll figure it out later, Peter is always being robbed to pay Paul till the whole thing is about to collapse, the lights are going to get turned off, the car repossessed, and they have (ok, I have) no other choice but to ask for help.

That's when it becomes Brick's problem.

I don't know if a week of frantic financial scrambling is better than having to keep track of it week-by-week, month-by-month or if he likes riding to the rescue so much that that's the payoff, but he has to be getting something out of it. Maybe the payoff is never being told 'No'?

Whatever the reason, even a financial incompetent like me realizes we have enough money coming in, we just don't have any plan at all about how it goes out. And savings? What's that? We have nothing concrete to show for all his hard work.

In many ways I'm blessed. There are people who are trying to survive on a fraction of what we waste.

Post A Secret

"I should have let you go before we all got hurt. I'm sorry."

I don't even want to think how many years ago. Our children were in grade school. You had one in the Second Grade. I had one in the Fouth. They're grown now.

For a split second I wonder, if we hadn't had each other, if we'd given that kind of attention to our marriages, would they be good ones? And then I realize I had over ten years and you had over twenty to get it right, it wasn't going to happen.

But I also know it's us just as much as them. If we had met and married, we'd be just as far away from one another. We were just too young, immature, guarded to have made it work with anyone then. Not sure how much better we are now. Maybe the reason I can't let go of you is because I'm afraid you're the only person out there as damaged as me.

Tonight you told me how Beth accuses you of cheating and you talked of being innocent and I asked 'And what do you consider this?' and you said you'd never really thought about it.

Gee, thanks.

I wonder who we are, what we are, where we are and you never even considered whatever it is we are as being unfaithful to your wife?

The Sweet Invention of a Lover's Dream

Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?

Am I making believe I see in you a girl too lovely to be really true?

Do I want you because you're wonderful, or are you wonderful because I want you?

Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream or are you really as beautiful as you seem?

Am I making believe I see in you a man too perfect to be really true?

Do I want you because you're wonderful, or are you wonderful because I want you?

Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream or are you really as wonderful as you seem?

I have a friend who is deeply in love. He describes her as the most beautiful woman in the world. He adores her.

Today I saw pictures of her.

Supermodels everywhere will sleep well tonight.

She is not an unattractive woman. She's just not going on the cover of Cosmo. She is, in the nicest sense of the word, ordinary. She looks like people you see at the grocery store, at the next table when you go out to eat, in the pew in front of you in church. But to him, she is better than a Playboy centerfold, this woman in her 50s who could lose a few pounds.

Contrast that with Donald Trump, a man who, if you subtracted the name and the money, would rate a 2 from a generous woman. Recently he rated the Desperate Housewives on the scale of 1-10 and he didn't consider any of them over a 5.

Give me a man who thinks I'm gorgeous, even though I'm not.

Crazy Times IV

And now for my latest insanity...

I could blow apart Merv's life in a hundred different ways. Some of them would be nuclear bomb level destruction, some, all it would take is giving bad advice.

So tonight is one of those opportunities, the kind where, if I played it right, I could end up with him, and I know how to do it. I see the opportunity. All I would have to do is encourage the course they're barreling down all by themselves and if I were any good at self-delusion, I could probably convince myself I had nothing to do with it.

Do I do it?

No. Like an idiot I calm him down and send him home having explained women to him, where Beth is coming from, and how to fix it and make it all better.

Why do I keep doing that?

The most flattering answer is that it would just be wrong not to, which is true but is it the whole truth? Maybe I'm afraid of what we would be if it were just the two of us? Maybe I prefer the fantasy to the possible reality? Maybe I realize that marriages are just the tip of an iceberg of issues that keep us apart?

Or maybe, when I have to choose between what I want and what's best for him, that little voice that whispers 'Be his friend!' wins every time.

Crazy Times III

Zelda comes home to spend the morning, run some errands, and shuts her finger in the car door. Two hours and two stitches later we're scrambling to fill her perscriptions, get first aid supplies, do the havetogetdones and get her back on the road to her new place.

Crazy Times II

With the entire family coming in for Thanksgiving and another surgery a week away, Merv figured this was a good time to stand up to patterns of behavior that have been in place for decades.

Have I wanted Merv to take an honest look at his situation, stand up for himself, quit putting things off as if we all had another 10 years to go on like this? Of course. But did it have to be this week?!

Crazy Times

Has everyone picked this week to lose their collective mind?

While shopping for first aid supplies with Zelda we ran into the mother of one of her best friends from high school. They exchanged the customary small talk, how is this person?, how is that person? And then they got to And how is Mr. Friend's Father? We're getting a divorce.

This was a 'good' family. One of those that always went to church, raised their kids right, had God as the head of their home. And, just like that, it's gone.

Ok, so I'm sure it wasn't just like that for them but I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one surprised at the news.

And now, after 30 years of marriage and 3 kids, this woman is living in a one bedroom apartment, walking places to conserve gas money, and working at Walmart. And I wanted to ask 'Is it worth it?' Not in a mean or judgmental way. I really want to know. Was it worth it to her to give up her home and security for freedom?

Love

"A good relationship is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it."

"The first duty of love is to listen." Paul Tillich

"Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished." Goethe

Prison Sex

For someone who has slept with quite a few girls, I never really go out looking for women. It's not that I didn't have a good time back in the day, I just don't feel any overwhelming urges to repeat the experiences any time soon. When I find myself in a mood to look for trouble, I almost always look at guys.

Even though I've always considered myself bisexual I got to wondering the other day if youthful same-sex experiences are like Prison Sex. A whole lot of straight guys go into prison for long stretches of time and manage to...make do...with what's available. Is that what's really going on with the sleepover and LUG bisexuals? Maybe it's just because that's what's there?

"We all suport the troops."

No. You don't.

Most people, even those who disagree with the war, do support the troops (though I'm still trying to wrap my head around the concept of "I hate what you're doing. You're participating in an illegal and immoral war for oil and Haliburton, but I support you."). What irritates the bejeesus out of me is their rote insistence that 'We all support the troops.' because it's untrue.

John Daly, a teacher at Warren Community College in Virginia, sent an email to a student concerned her group inviting an Iraq war veteran to speak on campus that included "I will continue to expose your right-wing, anti-people politics until groups like your won't dare show their face on a college campus. Real freedom will come when soldiers in Iraq turn their guns on their superiors and fight for just causes and for people's needs--such freedom fighters can be counted throughout American history and they certainly will be counted again."

I won't even get into the errors in the English Professor's email, or why an English Professor is so concerned with educating his students about the evils of Capitalism. Fragging doesn't sound like supporting the troops to me.

There have been people out there calling the troops fools and babykillers from the beginning. They're Americans. They have that right. Just own up to it and quit feeding me the line 'We all support the troops.' After all, this is a group that's so concerned with scrupulous honesty.

Trust Me

Every day with a toupee is a bad hair day. They don't look good. They don't look natural. I take that back...if you have the money, time, and energy to spend on fake hair that Elton John dedicates to his, it can look not-horrible. If not, just don't bother.

Openly bald and self-confident is sexy as all get out. Even those who don't appreciate the beauty of a balding pate still like it better than a toupee or a comb-over.

RCH?!

Why in the world does everyone seem to think I want a Remote Control Helicopter? It's more perplexing than when everyone seemed convinced that I wanted a larger penis.

Come out of the closet, Tom

Is Tom Cruise gay? Hell if I know, but the perception that he is has reached critical mass when it's alluded to on the front of the Sunday funnies (Opus) and there's an entire episode of South Park dedicated to getting him to come out of the closet. At this point, even if he's straight, maybe he should just 'admit' his gayness and get it over with.

Can a leading man be openly gay and still work? Who knows.

Even if people don't feel safe coming out for career reasons it would be nice if they went the Don't ask, don't tell route. There are a number of Soap actors who are as close to out as you can get without being Grand Marshall of a Pride Parade and their fans just refuse to acknowledge it. They still have crushes, talk about how the guys are on their Top 5 list, and if you mention to them "Ummm, have you noticed that he's 48, never been married, and thanked his 'Partner' at the last Daytime Emmy Awards?" will respond with "He must have meant his writing partner." It's not too big of a stretch to think the same could be done for movie actors.

People can ignore what's not in their face if they choose but it seems like every time an actor whose sexuality is under question tries to prove their Hetero cred things just get worse. Kevin Spacey butched his career into oblivion, Tom Cruise has Love, LOVE, LOVE'd his into ridicule. Could having a private private life have really been worse?

It would take some brave souls to give it a try but I keep thinking of the admittedly idealistic things that could come of it. It's hard to hate people you 'know' and care about. How many people could continue to blindly hate gays if they knew their favorite actor, singer, newsman, politician was gay? How many young people would have role models to emulate?

How many good works do people owe to the world around them?

You only hurt the one you love

Speaking with Merv about Beth and how the more pain she's in the more his ass gets chewed it occured to me...we always holler at the people that love us. How many people go up to complete stangers and yell at them?

It's like kids when their parents divorce. They always seem to be angrier at the parent that loves them most, the one that isn't going to desert them no matter what, the one that will love them anyway. It's safer. The parent you can't count on, who is the one you're probably really angry at, will disappear if yelled at. So maybe you can be mad at the 'safe' parent for their lousy taste in parenting partners but that's usually it.

I can see where Beth is coming from. If I get a cold I'm a raging bitch. She's been in non-stop pain for over 11 months. I would have climbed to the top of a tower with a high powered rifle months ago.

Does understanding it make it any easier for Merv to live with? No, but lord knows he's found his own ways of dealing with it.

Diamonds are forever...

Good Morning, this ain't Vietnam still

People lose hands, legs, arms for real

Little was known of Sierra Leone

And how it connect to the diamonds we own

When I speak of Diamonds in this song

I ain't talkin bout the ones that be glown

I'm talkin bout Rocafella, my home, my chain

These ain't conflict diamonds,

is they Jacob? don't lie to me mayne

See, a part of me sayin' keep shinin',

How? when I know of the blood diamonds

Though it's thousands of miles away

Sierra Leone connect to what we go through today

Over here, its a drug trade, we die from drugs

Over there, they die from what we buy from drugs

The diamonds, the chains, the bracelets, the charmses

I thought my Jesus Piece was so harmless

'til I seen a picture of a shorty armless

And here's the conflict

It's in a black person's soul to rock that gold

Spend ya whole life tryna get that ice

On a polar rugby it look so nice

How could somethin' so wrong make me feel so right, right?

'fore I beat myself up like Ike

You could still throw ya Rocafella diamond tonight

Better Dead Than Bed?

In the US, for instance, religious groups are gearing up to oppose vaccination, despite a survey showing 80 per cent of parents favour vaccinating their daughters. "Abstinence is the best way to prevent HPV," says Bridget Maher of the Family Research Council, a leading Christian lobby group that has made much of the fact that, because it can spread by skin contact, condoms are not as effective against HPV as they are against other viruses such as HIV. "Giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful, because they may see it as a licence to engage in premarital sex,"

Well, we have to have priorities. After all, isn't it better to have our daughters die than have them not really deserve the honor of wearing white on their wedding day?

How is it the Democrats can't find a candidate that can beat these yahoos? They make it so easy and yet the DNC fouls it up every single time. They oppose medical science (Vaccines and stem cell research), their idea of educational reform is teaching the newest version of Creationism while the schools have to have Resource Officers and metal detectors, and their form of Homeland Security can't even prepare for a hurricaine you can see coming for days. Yep, they're doing a bangup job.

When the current idiots in charge are considered the lesser of two evils, you really need to reexamine your selection process.

Grandma...Shut Up!

Georgia has a quirky little law. If you're underage and want to get married you need your parents permission..unless the bride is pregnant.

If the bride is pregnant, or the couple already has a child, 12-year-olds could get married and there's nothing anyone can do to stop them. The authorities marry them then inform the family of the minor(s) involved that a marriage has occurred. In a public policy way it makes sense. It's supposed to encourage children being raised with both parents. It also gives an interesting dodge to people that could be accussed of child molestation.

So last week a woman in her 30s and her 15-year-old boyfriend ran off and got married and it was all legal because they were expecting. The boy's Grandmother is having a public meltdown declaring she's going to have the woman put under the jail (the black lipliner is tragic but hardly criminal), end the mariage, change the law, and keep her Grandson from the evil shedevil.

Thing is..it's done..it's the law..they're married now...as a married man, he's in effect an adult...there's not really anything Grandma can do.

She can possibly change the law which effects more people than just her. There are people that have needed that law to form families when their parents wouldn't sign for them. People whose parents were trying to keep them apart, send the girl off, force an adoption. A 150 year old law has a 150 years of history attached to it.

She can alienate her Grandson and his new wife and make sure she never gets to see her GreatGrandchild.

She can get a lot of facetime on the TV news.

But she can't make time go back and make this marriage go away.

First Wives Club

Women left for younger women are given a couple of real, live, cheating men who will answer their questions as honestly as they're capable of. Do they ask? Do they listen? They respond with...

"I don't care...."

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"

"You are full of shit."

"You're disgusting."

"Your life is worthless and immoral."

"There's nothing you can tell me about you that I don't already know."

Not saying the guys were winners, brilliant, or paragons of virtue but they were there. It was an opportunity to ask 'Why do you do the things you do?' Instead, the women attacked, asked no questions, at least none not of the 'Do you know how awful you are?' variety which really don't require an answer, dismissed the men and then finished off with a rousing session of physical activity accompanied by cries of 'It's not my fault!"

I'm sure they all learned a lot from the experience.

Presumed Skanky

In class we're watching Presumed Innocent as an example of crime, the legal system, the fifth amendment, etcetc. I read it when it first came out and loved the twist. I'd seen the movie, probably the first run on cable, but I hadn't cared for it and hadn't seen it since.

So far (the first half of the movie), everything has been said of the Mistress except 'Bitch deserved to die.' I guess that will be in the part we watch next week.

Here are the godawful things she does that cause her to deserve killing:

She sleeps with a married man...the married man who sleeps with her is the 'hero'.

She's ambitious...so is every male character but with them it's barely remarked upon even when they use unethical tactics to advance their careers.

She is a raging bitch because she lost interest in the married man when she realized he wasn't as career oriented as she was and she went on to have an affair with a single man who matched her ambition.

It's not like she is the only character like that in popular literature. Emma Bovary was a twit. The mother in East of Eden a Dominatrix Whore. Anna Karenina was only redeemed by stepping in front of a train (and if the accident investigations then were anything like the modern fatality accident investigation, she wasn't redeemed to the commuters on that train). And they were all more adultresses than other women.

Nonfiction is a little better but for every No Ordinary Time by Godwin where Lucy Mercer and Missy Lehand are acknowledged and discussed openly there's a Little White House where Missy is reverted back to 'loyal secretary' and Lucy isn't mentioned at all ('Who was with the President when he became ill?' 'Ummm......').

No one talks about it, sees it, admits the elephant is in the room.

Working the Long Con

Tonight Merv is telling me about getting a notice that his youngest's rent hasn't been paid. The boy is 21 and Merv sends him money for his rent and other expenses each month.

He calls him and gets a story about...of course the rent had been paid...it was paid in cash...in the drop box...are they saying they didn't get it?...That's impossible!

He's upset at the boy's lack of common sense in paying cash and not getting a receipt but it doesn't occur to him that it wasn't the Landlady that's pulling a con.

I am so staying out of this one. Never get in the middle of family. No matter how upset they are with each other, they're going to make up and you'll be the asshole who said something awful about their loved one when you agreed with what they said about them.

And you can't really tell anyone anything anyway. People figure things out when they're ready to deal with it not before.

Golden Ring

I put on my wedding ring tonight. I haven't worn it in years. I haven't felt 'married' and didn't want to lie and to me wearing this ring when I don't feel like I have a real marriage is lying to any and every one who sees it.

It's strange having it on my finger. It's thick and heavy and it feels like it might be right to wear it. At least for awhile.

Never Enough?

Tonight I realized how many years I've spent with two and I wondered if I could ever adjust to one man. Is it possible for one man to give enough attention, care, notice, stimulation, romance, sex, love, conversation, and friendship for a lifetime?

It's like the old joke "80% of married men cheat in America. The other 20% do it in Europe." Now that marriages don't last as long and divorce is a socially acceptable option, maybe those numbers have changed drastically but in the old days, when marriage was a lifelong sentence for most people, it was a rare man who made it through sixty years of matrimony without slipping at some point.

I could tell myself that it's possible with the right person. I could actually try to believe that, but on a core level I'd feel like I was lying to myself.

Can people stay faithful? Yes.

Can people stay faithful in both deed and thought? Staying true because it's what they want, not because they're afraid of the consequences of being caught? That's a hell of a lot harder to pull off.

I don't want a man who is going to keep it in his pants because he's afraid of what I or God is going to do to him if he doesn't.

I want it all. I want someone who is with me because they want to be and when they don't want to any longer, they walk away and I want someone who will stick with me to the end, come hell or high water, in love or out, committed to a family and each other and always having one another's backs. The two cannot happen in one relationship. They are mutually exclusive concepts.

Boneless Buffalo Wings

I'm stuck with a craving for boneless Buffalo wings.

Tonight Brick took the night off and we were gong to go out for supper. After our usually rundown "Where do you want to eat?" "I don't care. Where do you want to eat?" we finally decided on Chilis and were headed that way when the work phone rang.

There was a bad accident and they wanted Brick to come in. I could see where this was going and started suggesting a place that was in the area that we could be in and out of in minutes but Brick had Chilis programmed and there was no disuading him.

We got there and placed our orders with an appetizer of Queso which was necessary because our blood sugar was in the dangerous area. The phone rings again and it quickly becomes obvious we won't be staying for supper.

When the Server got there with the Queso and drinks I asked her to cancel the rest of the order because we were going to have to leave. She was great about the whole thing; cancelled the rest of the order, packaged the queso, chips, and drinks to go, and got our check while Brick got the car started and met me at the front door.

We rushed home and Brick changed while I got him a sugar soda and some peanuts to keep him going till he could eat real food and he was gone.

The irony is all the years of panic and fear and having to leave places because of me...that never happens anymore. We only leave now because of him.

It doesn't bother me. It's part of the job. We tip well for any trouble we cause. There's no shame in it like there was when we left because I had a panic attack. It kind of keeps life interesting.

But I still want boneless Buffalo wings and I'm not sure where to get them.

The Dance of Anger

I realized this weekend that Brick and I deal with anger differently.

It doesn't take much to irritate me. I get frustrated easily with people, things, situations. I grumble, I bitch, I move on. But real anger? It takes a lot for me to really hate somebody.

I can think of two people I feel that much anger for One is attacking a friend and using my friend's children (among other things) to do it. And I think she's scum of the earth. But I have to admit, if she'd just stop, I'd gladly never think of her again. It's her active aggression and her idiotic proclamations that she never did what everyone sees her doing that stoke my anger.

The other person is a woman who took her child out of a loving home with his Grandparents, where he had lived his entire life. To accomplish this she concocted a story of sexual abuse that was ridiculous but effective and she did it out of spite and because she wanted a bigger check from DFACS. She put the entire family through Hell for the sin of raising her child and then put the boy in a mental health hospital at age 7 because the fallout of her lies and manipulations had results she couldn't be bothered with.

Brick hates easily and often. He doesn't speak to either of his sisters. He refuses to be in the same room as one of them, which made their father's funeral an uncomfortable experience for everyone around them.

I never wanted that hatred turned on me because I know how ruthless and relentless it is. I never wanted my kids caught up in that.

How do people hate that much? It takes too much energy that could be spent on productive things.

5 Days!

Brick made a deposit in the bank 5 days ago and the bank still hasn't posted it.

Because of their taking 5 days...I have a late payment on a visa card.

My car insurance is due and I can't access the funds to pay it.

Our plans for the weekend were changed.

My cash reserves are running out.

And all this from a bank I never joined in the first place.

I love buyouts.

The Secret Language

Couples have secret languages that only they understand. Simple words and phrases carry meaning to them that no one else would ever get.

"I miss you."

"Want to take a nap?"

"Been being good?"

"But she Looooooves him!"

Good, bad. Loving, painful. Words that speak to shared memory and experience.

Blind

There are many ways of being blind.

This week I discovered I was actually blind. Ok, severely sight-challenged. It has been strange trying to read since I found out it wasn't my imagination that I was having a lot of trouble seeing anything. Instead of fighting to make out the words, struggling through lines that I'd zip through before, I find myself putting it off till Monday.

Monday I pick up my glasses. I'll read it then. I'll deal with it then. I'll start studying for those tests then.

As for my other form of blindness...one thing at a time.

Freudian Slips

So I'm dashing off a quick note to someone and intend to write "Y'all should do something special and celebrate!"

Instead I write "Y'all should do something special and seperate!"

Maybe Freud got some things right.

Brick-Blocks

Ever since Zelda moved out I've been trying to rearrange the house and every time I start to make some headway I run into another Brick-Block.

Want to redo Zach's room? Brick needs to move 2 pieces of furniture before I can do it. In twelve days he hasn't managed to find the fifteen minutes it would take for him to do it.

Want to move the storage so I can get around the bed without tripping? Waiting on Brick.

Want to get rid of the old bed and couch? Waiting on Brick.

Want the hot water for a bath? Waiting on Brick.

There are at least twenty things where I've made the offer of 'I'll do 95% of what needs doing if you'll do the 5% I can't do.' and he's done none of them. This isn't counting the 'Honey-do' things that have needed doing for 10+ years that I've given up on completely. Dishwasher breaks? Maybe I'll get around to replacing it after 12 years.

The result of this is I don't give a damn about this place. Every once in awhile something will happen like Zelda leaving that will give me hope that maybe things can be a little better, a little different, maybe he'll do something, but I run smack into the reality of life with Brick.

He has shelves where he keeps his things that he hasn't cleaned or straightened in over three years and if I go messing with them I'll pay. It's not worth it.

Freedom to me looks like 2 suitcases of essentials and an open door. He can have it all.

The Wisdom of Fat Albert

It's just fantastic to know that there's someone out there in the world thinking of you.

Well THAT explains it!!!

I've been putting off going to the eye doctor for a couple of years now. 'It's just temporary eye strain' was my usual excuse but as I started holding books further and further out I realized I was either going to have to break down and go or get longer arms.

I need bifocals.

I wonder how long I can drag out selecting frames?

Jarhead

A grand illustration that the Suck has a hundred ways to break your heart.

The Wall of Shame puts Brick's attitude towards infidelity into a different light. Has his "I don't care" attitude been nothing but bravado? And if so, how different our lives would have been if we could have allowed ourselves to be vulnerable to one another when it mattered the most?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

After a week of living in her own place, Zelda, and her laundry, are coming home.

Her room is clean with fresh sheets on the bed. I need to deep clean her bathroom but there's a place for her to stay if she doesn't want to make the drive back.

I haven't missed her too badly. It helps that she was hardly ever home when she lived here. It helps that I talk to her every day. It helps that Brick and I went to her house for supper on Sunday.

So far we're making time for each other instead of taking each other for granted so it may even turn out to be a good thing. I asked her to set aside some time next week for the two of us to get together and I'll take her to eat and we'll go shopping. Having a child move out but stay close is definitely easier than having them move across the country.

War of the Worlds Jr.

Since Brick was working tonight I went to see Chicken Little, AKA War of the Worlds Jr.

The animation was great, the story was so-so, it was a cute not too scary version of an alien invasion and sons wanting their fathers to be proud of them.

And tomorrow, for something completely different, Jarhead and Zelda's new home for supper.

Waiting on a Train

Brick and I went to Graffittis for pizza today and took a connecting road to save time and came upon a line of cars waiting for a train to cross the road. Some didn't want to wait and would turn around and go back the way we came. Brick wasn't going to do that. He'd just move forward, filling the space the departed had left behind.

There is a road that parallels the train tracks so after about 10 minutes of waiting cars started pulling out, driving on the wrong side of the road, and going to the parallel road. There were a number of near head on collisions as people driving on the wrong side would meet up with people entering the road from where they were trying to get. Luckily, there was a good shoulder and no one actually hit each other.

A fire engine with lights and sirens going even came up beside us and still the train didn't move. I started to think there had been a train accident further up the tracks and that's where the fire engine was going and that's why the train wasn't moving.

As cars pulled out and went to the parallel road we kept moving forward, one car length at a time, getting closer and closer to the train and the road. When we were about 7 cars back and had been there 25 minutes I asked Brick if he wasn't going for the exit because he felt it wasn't safe or because it was illegal and he said 'This is a no passing zone. I won't drive on the wrong side of the road.'

Finally after 35 minutes enough cars had exited that we were at the parallel road and Brick turned onto it. We went along, looking at the train, waiting to come upon the accident that had caused it to sit motionless for over a half hour blocking the road that led to the county hospital.

There was no accident.

The train was just sitting there for no discernable reason.

At least the pizza was good.

Scary Thoughts

Watching Meet the Fockers I realize my marriage is like Barbra Streisand's character joined with Robert De Niro's. It's a miracle we haven't killed each other.

A`Woman Should Have...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
...one old love she can imagine going back to...and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...HOW TO QUIT A JOB,BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that she can't change the length of her calves,the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she would and wouldn't do for love...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...whom she can trust,whom she can't,and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...

Done

As someone who has been 'done' with a few people in life, here's a few tips.

When you're done with someone you:
Don't email them
Don't mention them
Don't send them things
Don't refer to them
Don't call them
Don't talk to them
Don't take potshots at them
Don't respond to them when they speak to you

'Done' means you have nothing to do with them in any way, shape, or fashion. You don't have to tell people you're done with them. They'll figure it out when you don't speak to them for the next 20 years. Or they won't. Either way you don't care cause you are done.

Celebreality

Thank goodness I never wanted to be famous.

'Scary Skinny', 'Pin Thins', 'Style and Error', 'Who's Normal? Who's Not Normal?'

Could we all give these people a break? If they lose weight, if they gain weight, if they underdress, if they overdress, if they look happy, if they look angry, if they look sad.

All spread out on pulp or glossy pages for mass consumption and the judgment of the world.

No wonder they're scared to eat.

No wonder they're shallow and concerned only with the surface. Ok, so they probably had a headstart on that but still...

I like gossip as much as the next person but enough already.

Basinger Blasts Baldwin

Well isn't that....surprising?

So their kid is now 10 and they've been fighting over her at least half her lifetime. Wonderful.

I'm ready to take bets on the outcome of this. The kid becomes a drug addict, joins a cult, or divorces both of them long before her 18th birthday.

Did they ever love her more than they hated each other? And does no one in their combined sets of family, friends, and employees care enough about this child to tell them to grow the hell up and put her best interests first?

I spy with my little eye.....

Talking to the friend whose husband found the Evil BOB. He wasn't looking for BOB when he went rifling through her drawers (which helps explain his shock at finding it). He was looking for her diary. So he could read it.

Good thing she doesn't have one.

Since then he's gone through the drawers a few more times, if she says she's going out with a friend, he calls the friend to make sure she's really there, and he's come home unexpectedly a couple times a week.

And he sees nothing wrong with this.

Sweetie, she's not only of age, she's over 40. You're her husband, not her Daddy. It ain't your job to check up on her. You don't trust her? Think she's the kind of woman who's entertaining company in the house with the kids there playing X-Box in the den? Divorce her ass. She'll probably thank you.

But enough with the Secret Squirrel routine. It's tacky and ineffective.

I Don't Trust You

Once trust is lost, it takes a lot to get it back. It seems like every important man in my life I have reached the point where I've thought 'I don't trust you.' I often wonder if its them or if its all me.

I did have an Uncle that never let me down. A couple of Grandfathers who always tried to do the right thing and if there was any disappointment it was because they were in an impossible situation where they couldn't make everyone happy. With Zack there were moments as he was growing up but never anything major.

Most guys I have a 'Fool me once...' policy and walk away fast. Most get the message and go away but there's one that just doesn't get it. I've come to view him as selfish and self absorbed and stopped trusting him with personal information or tender feelings years ago. Things drift along for months till he needs something then he shows up with proclamations of 'You know I'm your best Friend? I'd be there for you if you ever needed me. You're so important to me, Maggie. I'm so glad we're friends. Want to have fun? We could meet somewhere and you can make me cum!'

Oh. Please!

No, you're not my best friend. I don't even consider you a friend, certainly not a good one. You're an acquaintance that has just a little too much information for me to verbally rip your face off. The reason I'm polite (barely) is not a sign I like you but a sign of just how little I trust you. You aren't there when I need you. You never think to inquire if I need you. When I have straight out told you I needed you, you have always minimized my feelings as being not as important as yours. I'm not important to you at all except as someone you can use. And no, I don't want to meet you somewhere and make you cum.

Queen Camilla

Not surprisingly, I'm sympathetic to Camilla the Duchess of Whatever. I have to side with the people that took 35 years to get it together. Who made mistakes. Who fucked up. Who hurt others; carelessly, recklessly, unintentionally. Who loved each other for 35 years. Who were still so passionate for one another that after over a decade he still wanted to live in her trousers. Who aren't beautiful or glamorous but they cherish one another anyway. Who have stood by one another through scandal, public disapproval, and condemnation. Who invited her first husband to the wedding and he came.

That may not be stylish and they may never sell a lot of magazines but it's nice to know people can love each other that long and that much and can be that loyal to one another.

Empty Nest

Zelda moved out a couple of days early.

Am I terrible mother because I'm happy?

I'm more than happy. I'm proud of her. She has a lovely apartment, a new promotion, she's successful, and relatively well adjusted for a 22 year-old. I feel like what I have devoted 25 years to is accomplished and I did a pretty darn good job. I'm not good at a lot of things but I feel like I was a good mother and since that was what was most important to me, that matters a lot.

I want to take a victory lap and get a gold watch.

Blue Good, Red Bad

Female Senator moonlights as an assisted novelist and gives us the profound view that Liberals are raised as healthy happy children and Conservatives had abusive, cold, unloving parents.

Hate to break it to you lady but dysfunction is pretty universal. One of the most braindead liberals I know talked today of how little boys should have their 'pee pees whacked' when they say rude things (btw she's not braindead because she's liberal but because she's one of the stupidest people I know that can spell).

Either or

Say I have two options for my marriage...

Option 1: My husband fucks someone else. He doesn't really know her. He doesn't love her. He sees her once She's likable, but he doesn't know her well enough to like her. Other than as a nice memory of a fun adventure, he doesn't remember her. Doesn't remember her name. Can't really remember what she looked like. He thinks she had dark hair. Kind of longish.

Option 2: My husband is best friends with another woman. He talks to her every day. He tells her hopes, wishes, and dreams. He knows hers.

When he's with me, he sees things that remind him of her. When he goes on vacation with me, he thinks of how much fun it would be to see that place with her. When he's in the shower in the morning, he thinks of her. When he's in bed next to me, he thinks of her.

He lies to me by omission every minute of every hour of every day for over ten years. He has known for ten years that the minute he walked away from me he could walk into another life with a woman that adores him. And he never warned me that was even a possibility.

They have cybersex, text sex, phone sex, they wear clothes that they select and purchase for one another. Every business trip he goes on she calls him and wakes him up each morning and they talk each night before he falls asleep. She knows how he cums, when he cums, what makes him hard instantly.

But he doesn't fuck her.

Because he's being 'faithful'.

Because he doesn't want to hurt me.

Because he values his marriage.

And he doesn't see what's upsetting about all that.

I'd pick what's behind Door Number 1.